You're STILL "pregnant"

I came back from Vietnam and had about a period flow of blood. I thought the doctor was a little dramatic about the bleeding out part of this miscarriage. I had another sonogram and realized that I hoped magically they would find the baby . This tech was much nicer and explained that scientists think that blighted ovum’s are when the DNA code comes out as a kill switch which is why there’s a sac, but no embryo. She kept apologizing for being so clinical, but it was nice to hear something. It was nice to hear it wasn’t anybody’s fault, that it was just a game of odds. Since I suck at gambling this seemed about right for me.

The biggest surprise was I still had the sac in me. Not only that, it had grown to 7 weeks while I was in Vietnam for two weeks! My ovary was still sending hormones to keep it alive. which is pretty cool to look at on a sonogram. The doctor gave me the same three options of natural miscarriage, medicine to induce miscarriage, or a D&C. I opted to take the medicine. I didn’t realize that it was the abortion pill until I looked up on the Internet to make sure I took it right.  It was a little disturbing that I kept reading abortion and how to abort the baby. I really did want this baby. I took two doses because I panicked. I had only passed what was a huge blood clot, and I was ready to move passed this.  I had a checkup and I couldn’t believe I still had it. At least my ovaries had shut down, so I was making slow progress. I joked that my body didn’t get the memo about there being no baby. The doctor said I had the best attitude. I still don't know what that means or how to react to that.  I just didn’t know what else to do.  There is some sort of expected reaction and I can't figure out what it was suppose to be. I did realize that I am a "glass half full" person because I had my disappointment but was ready to move on and try again. Maybe fail for real next time. 

The doctor gave me one more dose because we thought the sac would come out. I had a hard time getting the drugs because the insurance was freaking out that I had filled the prescriptions so close together. I had to call them up and I totally pulled the pity me card on me. I told the insurance lady "I've had a miscarriage and I can't get rid of the baby can you please get me the medicine!" She was really helpful after that. The last dose I took at work because I had a long layover and I was bored with sitting home waiting for this miscarriage to happen.  Nothing happened but some pain and no bleeding. 

The “best” part of taking the medicine was that I went over to a friend’s house to take one of the doses so I didn’t have to be alone while Daniel was at work. My friend’s son, 3 years old, climbed on me and kept shoving his knees into my stomach. I told him to stop because my stomach hurt he asked why and I told him that I was losing my baby. He looked at me and said, “You have a baby in your belly like my mom has a baby in her belly?” I thought my friend was hoping the earth would swallow her whole. She said, “I didn’t want you to find out this way!” I just started laughing because you can’t make horrible awkward moments like this up. I still think it’s funny, and the only part that even hurt was her baby is due the same time as mine was.